I went to see her again

She has been acting much differently lately - in a good way. She's much warmer, much more open, communicative, etc. Almost like what a real girlfriend should be like.

I am starting to understand her. She told me what's happened in her life before me; and I give her reason for being apprehensive in relationships. She's had a lot of issues before, and now seems to be learning to trust a bit more.

That's what I gather from it, anyway. Maybe I am too good to be true for her, so she has to learn to trust me and see for herself.

I am getting more and more into this - I hope it's for the better.

What have I gotten myself into!

I am at a crossroads. On one hand, I want to just walk away since it is so much of a hassle in every way imaginable - but on the other hand, I do like her - but mostly, I'd feel sorry for her if I just left.

I seem to have brought her some hope - she has had a lot of bad experiences and problems the last few years. She sent me a touching message that I mentioned before - I don't know if it is sincere or not, but I do know that life for her is hard.

I feel sorry for her kid, too. So even if she was just using me or tricking me, at least the kid would have a better quality of life. She really loves her kid and does everything for him - she puts him first and herself last.

It's becoming heavy for me - I am too young and too free, the financial and other responsibilities may not be worth it. She'd have to really, really like me and treat me exceptionally well for it to continue this way. She does treat me well - but she could be a bit warmer at times.

At the end of the day, I can walk away and continue my life as it was - but she's forever tied to the responsibilities of her life and kid.

This blog

This is a slight explanation - this blog basically is just a transposition of my thoughts into this medium. What I think I write, so that's why it may seem a little bit silly at times. I don't only think about the woman, of course - but this blog is directly towards that.

So sometimes I think about airplanes. I don't write that down. Then the woman, I write that down. Back to airplanes or perhaps even sharks - you get the drift.

Maybe I will start to insert other novelties and mysteries. That may be interesting.

Some good news?

Today I was almost ready to just walk away, but she was a bit different. She called me 3 times today, I am going to see her tomorrow. After the last call, she sent me a text message:

"Thank you very much for appearing in my life".

I thought that was nice - she usually does not say stuff like that. Who knows what her real intentions are, huh?

Count me in for another 3 weeks of mindless confusion!

It's too funny

I'm too funny, my situation is too funny, and me posting about it is too funny. Man, what a dupe I am!

I want to end it already

I am really tired of this - I do like her, but it's too complicated. Last night I called her, she did not pick up or return the call - I suspect she went to some Halloween party and did not want me to know about it.

She called me just now, from her bathroom - she said she was about to take a shower, and I could hear the shower on. Does that sound to you like someone trying to hide a conversation from someone else in the house? She said she'd call me later to talk more.

Question for you guys - knowing how the situation has been, how quickly will I get over her if I decide to just stop seeing her now? I don't think it will take too long, we did not have too many good moments!

Hm

I am confused now, I thought she was perhaps seeing the ex-boyfriend still, but I heard from his mouth that she isn't - and everything makes sense now.

I guess I assumed she was doing something wrong, incorrectly.

Better that than to be surprised in a bad way, huh!

I will just roll with it now, and see what happens.

BREAKING NEWS!

Ha.

All of this time, I was worried that her ex-boyfriend might be going back to her. I even got down my analysis down to a science. I thought I had it figured out.

So I thought, what better way to prove it then to talk to the guy?

So I got his screen name, and talked to him. I know some of his friends, so I introduced myself that way. I made up some story about selling my car, and indirectly asked him about his woman situation as we were going to that subject.

He told me he was without his ex-girlfriend. (But he mentioned he wasn't without women, of course - so he has new ones.)

Well, that answers my question. Now, her behavior was still a bit odd - but it makes more sense now.

Ok, here is the run down and details, I need help

So basically this is where I am at. I have not called her much lately, and I am very emotionally detached from her now - but I still want to figure out what's going on.

I suspect her ex-boyfriend to be visiting her when I am not there - and this is what leads me to suspect it.

- In September, for 10 days, her phone use was odd - She would pick up during the morning and early afternoon, but after a certain time, usually 3 - she would stop using the phone entirely. Remember, I gave her this phone - so I suspect she had to hide it from her ex-boyfriend if she was still involved with him. If I called her at 6, I could expect a call back as soon as she woke up the next day, like clockwork.

- Aside from the phone use, I tried to go over her house 5 times during those 10 days- and each time she gave me an excuse. (i.e I'm sick today, I forgot my phone somewhere, etc)

- Before that, I could go over any time I'd want, she'd always answer my phone or call me back in minutes, so I noticed the change immediately.

-And then - at the end of those 10 days, I was able to get some information from a friend that her and the ex-boyfriend had fought and broken up. The day after they broke up, her phone use went back to normal - i.e I could call at night and she'd answer, I could come over at any time, etc.

That was the most proof I had. Now, when I started to date her - I found out she was still with the ex-boyfriend and broke up with him after she knew I was secure with her.

OK, I'll let that slide since she was probably confused. But this month, the same chain of events happened again.

- For almost the same length of days this month, 10, that happened again..but then it stopped, just like last time.

What the. Maybe she goes back with the guy for 10 days a month and then quits? I am really confused.

I don't yet have any evidence, aside from phone suspicions, which could be something else entirely too.

Now, here is my plan:

I don't have concrete evidence, but I know she's done some wrong stuff in the past.

So I call her, tell her I won't accept lies - and that I found out everything. Then I hang up, and don't answer her for 2 days. This will be the true test of her intentions - we will see how she reacts.

Any ideas on that?

Is it that obvious?

A friend of mine recently told me a similar story to what I am going through, with a few different details.

It was obvious he was getting used, and he seemed like a dupe. I don't think he saw it.

Is it that obvious in my situation? And I just don't want to see it?

I wish I could go to the 3rd person perspective and think, but unfortunately It's only 1st person!

Money complicates thing

When money is involved, it really complicates matters. With this woman - I knew part of the allure of me going out with her was that I'd need to help her out. She's a single mother, so that was to be expected.

Now, I've always had a confusion in my mind as to how much she likes me - and how much she likes my help. It is the sort of question where you just have to be secure in yourself and accept whatever may be coming, with both eyes open.

To her - I am a silver bullet to solve all of her problems. I have a stable life, with better means than the men she is used to - and I am a good guy.

She's the opposite of what I need on paper, but who knows, this opposition is what attracted me to her, and her to me.


Oh man, oh man! What will happen, only time can tell!

Some readers may have a point

I posted that she only dances in bikini, no lap dances, etc. Some readers posted comments saying that this is only on the surface; that there is something else going on.

Well, I am not the type to go to these places. I have only been in a bar like this once in my life - and that was to bring her lunch. I stayed there for about 1 hour and a half, talking to her mainly, between her breaks. It seemed tame enough, the guys sit around in a square shaped bar, while the girls dance in the middle. During their breaks, they come and talk to the guys, get drinks, sit next to them, etc. I guess they get tips like that too.

Now, I saw it for myself - but do you guys think there can be something more sinister going on beneath the surface? Maybe they go out with men from the bar - I don't know. But she tells me some nights she only makes like $30, after paying the DJ fee, taxi, etc. That's on a slow week night, I mean who goes to these places on a Monday or Tuesday?

I'd appreciate it if some light could be shed on this - I have no experience with how this bar/dancing world works.

A go-go dancer as a girlfriend

I've never talked much about how I feel about this. She dances in a relatively tame bar - no lap dances, just bikini, etc.

Obviously I'd want her to do something else. But it's not like she is cheating on me - either physically or emotionally. Emotional cheating, if she liked someone else, to me is much worse.

In a way it is exciting, I won't lie. Knowing that all of those guys staring at her would like to get to know her better, while I already have the spoils of war, is nice. Strange? Perhaps. But it sure is exciting.

Anyway I've seen how people from a very different world than I live. That is life experience you just cannot replace. It is invaluable, and I don't regret it. I am better rounded and more mature after this. A little more morally disturbed, sure - but better for it!

Heh

She's working tonight, that is interesting. Her behavior has been different the last 3 days - she's called me more, and seems to be using her phone more. This is after the rose incident mention in my earlier post - so maybe they fought again. Anytime her ex is around, she does not work. I think he does not like that she dances - so her working tonight is a good sign.

It's funny to say that, like I accept that she's cheating on me. I don't - it is purely suspicion. I need time to gather proof, and then I can make a better decision. Right now I still like her enough to not completely end it - but I am definitely going to cool it off.

I know, if I were looking at my situation from the outside, I'd say I was an idiot. Well, maybe I am!

I didn't do it yet..

So today I called her, she didn't pick up. I thought to myself, oh boy - here is that phone pattern again where she doesn't use it for a while because of the other guy.

If she had picked up, I was ready to tell her I knew everything and wouldn't accept lies anymore, and hang up.

So.. I called her sister. I just asked where she was, made some small talk, and told her to tell her sister to call me later.

So she calls me 2 hours later - and tells me she is apartment hunting, and will call me right back. She calls back within 20 minutes, tells me she'll call me after apartment hunting - I mention that I am going on a trip to Brazil soon, she tells me to take her with me and marry her there and then come back here. Ha.

She told me why I did not call her yesterday, I was busy. I think she is afraid I suspect something. And I do!

Readers, I need your advice

I am finally thinking of ending it. I am going to wait for her to call tomorrow, and when she does, I will end it.

I will tell her I do not accept lies or cheating, and that I discovered everything. I was so good to her, and she only used me. Then I will hang up and not answer her calls.

Is that a good idea? I didn't really discover anything concrete, but I highly suspect it - and that's enough for me.

Things are strange

A few days ago I was almost certain in my mind that something suspicious was going on. Has there been a change? Yesterday and today have been different - she seems to be communicating more and coming after me more. (I've not called, but she has)

Remember - the ex's brother saw her with the rose, and he probably saw me. Maybe they had a fight again if they were still involved? Too many assumptions that can be made - who knows. Who knows, who knows.

Tee hee.

I did not call today, she called - she is looking for a new apartment with her sister. Heh, guess who will probably be paying the rent! At least she thinks so - if things don't lighten up soon, I am out.

She wants me to go tomorrow, but I do not think I want to or can - so the end of this week it is.

There are some big surprises in store, yet. I need to delay me going there for a while, so I can try to see what's going on with the other guy - I only have suspicions right now, no evidence of any wrongdoing.

Speculation

I always speculated on which of these two would have what effect. If my loyal blog readers could give me some insight - I'd appreciate it!

So what would each of these two do, in terms of how she may react, what she may do, etc.

Now, these are assuming she's with her ex and not telling me. I do not have evidence that is sufficient yet, I only have suspicion. If I find out, then I myself will stop seeing her.

1.) If I told her I knew about the ex-boyfriend, and provided evidence to support my claims. I could give her an ultimatum, him or me.

2.) If the guy found out about us first. I am sure they would have a big argument - now I wonder what they would do? If it would end, or she would try to reconcile with him and try to convince him there is a misunderstanding?

It just hit me!

She has not really been asking for money lately, and seems to not be working much.

If the ex just popped back into the picture, she could be with him since she knows he has to give her money because of the kid. And if she gives him attention, he will be more inclined to give her money.

Do you know why I think that? She insinuated such in a conversation. So it's not that she's madly in love with him; she really resents him and the way he treated her in the past. But he's another source of money in a world where money means so much.

That's my theory right now.

Oh my story just got better..

So, Thursday and Friday she gave me 2 excuses as to why I could not go. Thursday she had left her phone at her sisters, and only called me later. I knew that was a lie; when I called it cut short so I knew she was with her phone. Friday, she said she was sick. She's used these 2 excuses before. It's not that she did not want me to go for the sake of it; she's hiding something.

Here's where it starts to get good. Last night I text her and tell her "I have a little surprise for you." I don't have anything in mind, but I figure I'll make something up.

So I get to her city, and stop by a flower stand - and get a rose. I think like this - we are going to walk in the city's main street, so if anyone sees us - her with the rose, it will be unmistakable if she's trying to hide.

She comes with her sister, and both have their kids in tow. We go to a restaurant. I went today with the plan to tell her I know about the ex - but I start to think I better wait. I don't have enough evidence to know exactly what is going on. But I carefully tell her:

"Later I need to talk with you. It's important." She gets nervous, and asks why I am so mysterious. I tell her we will talk later. I don't mention anything about her ex.

Now, this is where it gets good. Real good. Big surprise.

We are walking down the street. Guess who comes walking at us in the opposite direction? The ex's brother. HAHA. She sees him about 20 feet away, and quickly tells me: "Keep walking and make believe you are not with me, there may be trouble if he sees you with me"

So I keep walking like I don't know her, and walk about a block. They stop and talk. Here's where it gets better. She's holding the rose I gave her. I see him looking at the rose. Then he looks down the block, and sees me. He looks a few times in my direction, and then keeps walking the other way.

The two girls walk back up to me. She tells me he asked what the rose was. She said she bought it for herself. He didn't believe it. Ha, how funny. That rose was brilliant.

Here is why she explains to me she does not want her ex to know about me and her:

She says because of the kid, the ex will get jealous and want to take the kid out more, and she does not want that. That's why she wants to avoid trouble. Nice excuse, but I think I know the truth.

So keep telling her "I have something important to tell you." She gets curious, but I hold back.

By this time the kid is getting tired and hungry, so she tells me she has to go home and change him, but she'll be back. She says unless he falls asleep - when she said this, I knew she did not plan on coming back. I asked if I could go to her house, she said yes - but that I knew her room mates would have their guy friends there, drunk, and they know the ex and could call him.

So I figure I will go home. Not before I call her. I tell her I can't go home without talking with her. I want to draw information out of her. She asks me what is the problem - I tell her I need to speak with her face to face.

Then she says "Do you want to break up with me?" - she tells me she likes me a lot - and won't know what to do if I break up with her. I tell her no, that's not it. I say it's not like that; it's the opposite. She then says "Do you want to marry me?!" (In a different sort of voice and tone)

I tell her no - and then I give her a conservative answer since she's so curious. My real beef was that I suspected the guy; but I could not tell her that yet because of lack of evidence. So I just tell her that I don't want to see her go through hard times, that I will help her, etc.

Funny. Now I am waiting on information from a friend - she is trying to find out for me what the situation with the guy is.

To be honest, I haven not just stopped because I love the drama and excitement.

The train ride was nice. OH NO IT'S TEH TRAIN!!!

I can't believe I got through it safely

Let me be blunt; her world is dangerous. She's a dancer. She has a jealous, violent ex-boyfriend who's status is or is not "ex". That explains a lot of the sneaking around. (She would tell me she did not want him finding out about us because he'd be angry due to the kid being around another man with his mother.)

Her city is really dangerous. I took the train there numerous times, which goes to some sketchy areas. They knew I had financial resources - I could have been robbed or black mailed.

There are things in her world - like with her friends, that are dangerous. I suspect drug use, even though they'd always hide it from me because they knew I was not accepting of such things. She tells me she does not use - but her friends do. I suspect she's lying.

I wonder how angry the ex-boyfriend would be, if he found out I took the woman and her kid to the mall, even pushed the little baby car in the mall? As a father he'd be angry that someone temporarily took over his role, I think.

This situation has been almost surreal - their world is different than mine. There is no trust in their world, that's the big difference.

Well, at least I got through it safely so far. I don't know if it's over. It is my decision, because I don't think she will stop as long as the money keeps flowing. Sad, but unfortunately true.

You know, she may have done many wrong things against me - but I treated her with respect. I treated her like she was a woman worthy of respect. At least my conscience is clear.

So why did I do it?

This has lasted 5 months, I feel I want to end it soon - it's not doing me well. Why did I put up with it for so long?

You can't say I was blind and did not know what was going on, because I surely knew of the risks. I guess I tried too hard to change her - and see light of the situation. I guess I was hard headed, I knew it was a bad idea but I wanted to see for myself. I do not regret it - I've learned a lot. Sure, I have a lot less money now, but I came out of it safe and not really too emotionally hurt.

Heh, some people are bad. She really abused my good will. That will keep me much more aware in dealing with other people - in relationships or in life.

I stopped doing the things I loved - like music, etc. I did not have fun. I was constantly anxiously, waiting for her to call - and always on the verge of a break up with her. This was in the entirety of the 5 months.

Oh man.

I am a bit fed up

I am really finally getting tired of this woman situation. She is not answering the phone at night, she's definitely cheating - so I suspect it's either with her ex or other men. I will not tolerate that.

She's through for me. I just need a little more evidence, so I can know exactly what she is doing wrong. I don't want to confront her and be wrong - so I need to ask around and see what I can come up with.

I am at a new level though, and my head is finally getting back together to where it once was.

A time line of my woman situation

For those of you who are new, or have missed some important details, here is a pseudo time line/summary of my situation.

1.) I met her about 5 months ago, at a music concert. I later find out that she dances at a bar - you know, that type of dancing bar. (With the pole, but it's decent and no lap dances)

2.) She has a kid - and seems to have a complicated relationship with her ex boyfriend. He's 20 now, and she's 25. He has cheated on her, done things wrong - and he does not have a very good job, so he cannot really support her financially.

3.) I treated her exceedingly well - not only in terms of helping financially, but with respect, and things of that nature. She saw I had a different head than the men she was used to.

4.) Because of the world she lives in, I went in not trusting her at all. Due to this, stayed very alert to any changes in her behavior, things she said to me, etc. Due to this, I have caught her in various lies that she has no clue about. I have chosen to carefully put the puzzle pieces together and not assume or jump to conclusions when I find things out - which has worked out.

5.) The biggest issue was that she told me she broke up with her ex-boyfriend about 7 months ago. Too bad she lied - I found out they were together still while I was going out with her. This was about 3 months into our thing. By my information gathering, I think they only got back together for a few weeks within this time period.

Why didn't I say anything? Because I found out they had been together because of a fight she had with him, and broke up with him. She has no idea I know. This was 3 weeks ago. After I found out she had lied to me, I cooled off with her almost completely. I cannot accept lies and unfaithfulness like this - but there is a problem.

I do not know the extent of what happened - and by my information gathering it was the guy who kept going after her and she was figuring out how to separate from him.

So this time period I have been trying to gauge what happened - so may tell me to leave it after I found this out, but it is a complicated situation. He is the father of the kid, and wanted her much more than she wanted him back. As I live far away, who knows what happened.

Right now I as emotionally disconnected as one can be; this is because I know of the risks.

OK

So she's definitely lying to me. The question now is, what is she hiding? It could be mild, or not serious at all.

Here are my guesses, from tame to worse.

1.) Maybe today she was really just tired and lazy - and didn't want to tell me no, so she made up this little lost phone story. Too predictable!

2.) The last 5 days have had a similar pattern of little phone activity at night, so maybe she is back with her ex - but she has decided to keep me going because of things I can do for her that he can't.

3.) Maybe she's seeing another guy, or more than one guy - who knows how her world is when I'm not there.

All of these questions indicate that I can't really trust her. And it's not my own lack of trust in her - she has given me reason to not trust her.

Update

She called me today at 4, finally. After I called last night and this morning. She told me she forgot her cell phone at her sisters house yesterday, and just got it when she got there.

Little problem..I know the phone was used early in the morning, and before she even said she went to her sisters house - so I know she lied about this. I tried to go to her house today, she told me to come tomorrow, she said she was feeling lazy to go out today.

Ruh roh. Something wrong is definitely up, now I have to find out exactly what.

wtf

So today we were supposed to meet and go to the city. She told me last night to call her this morning. I did at 10 am - and since then about 3 more times. No answer or response. What the. I know she's using the phone because sometimes it cuts to the voice mail fast - i.e when someone pushes the button to make it stop ringing.

I wonder what is up? Obviously she did not want to go today - but for what reason? That question shall be answered in time.

I can bet you when she finally calls, there will be a big excuse as to why she did not answer. She's done it before. Something like the dinosaurs came back and stole her phone, or something equally brilliant.

Strange or what?

We went to a park today, and we had to call a taxi to drop me off at the train station. (I have not been going there with my car, it's really far and better by train)

So...she wanted to drop me off first at the train station. Usually I drop her home or at her sisters house first - where she told me she was going tonight.

Isn't that strange? She seemed tired and wanted to go home, but why make the taxi take me all the way to the train station first and not drop her off first?

Either: 1.) She wants to make sure I am going home for fear of me cheating, even though I am trustworthy - she is paranoid about that for some reason. or 2.) She is going somewhere she does not want me to know about - like her ex's place.

Oh man.

Today

So I went today - I was planning on going tomorrow, but I called and said I wanted to go today and she said OK.

I went in with low expectations, waiting to be disappointed. Ironically, I came back more animated. I guess when you go in expecting problems, and they don't happen, you get relieved!

I thought about telling her of my suspicions, but as I got there and actually talked with her - that is not the correct path to take. I stayed with her for about 5 hours - her mood was definitely better today.

One thing that is really puzzling me, is that the last 3 days - she seems to have stopped using her phone in the evenening. I call, and she only returns the call the next morning. If I call during the day, she always answers. Before, she always answers me, or calls back within a few minutes. But the last 3 days - it's been strange.

I gave her the cell phone - so maybe she has to hide it from her ex-boyfriend if he pops back in? Maybe she goes somewhere that she can't take her cell phone? A lot of suspicions, but I do not have a strong lead yet on what could be the answer.

Update!

So today I ignored her phone calls for 2 hours, then I finally called her.

Interesting talk, for 40 minutes - the longest ever. I dropped the hint that I suspect the guy was over - but in a very subtle manner - the worst thing you can do is appear jealous over the phone. She said of course not - and if he comes by to see his kid, she told me she'd tell me.

She is having room mate problems, told me about them for the bulk of those 40 minutes. They are not very responsible, and leave her to fend for her self.

I wonder if that 40 minute talk was to defer my initial suspicions about the ex being over. Hm, I wonder!

Hey

Man, the dudes over at the coffee place have been going into a think tank frenzy trying to figure out what to do with this woman! Her icy grasp has reached into the well protected nest that is the coffee room.

She is a powerful woman. Not only has she made me sneak out of my house to go see her, I have even had to take the train a few times to slip by unnoticed! OH NO IT'S TEH TRAIN. Yep. That's a reference to the long ass train ride I take (Almost 2 hours) to go see her, and it's also a reference to the train wreck this situation is. It is nice in a way. On the way back, I have 2 hours to think about all of the time and money I just lost.

So to update on yesterday, I find it strange when she does not answer my phone. She ALWAYS answers my phone or calls back within minutes. So that means that when she doesn't, something is up. I suspect the ex-boyfriend pops back in to see the kid..and she has to hide the phone from him. Something about him being the jealous type, and her not wanting him to know she's with another guy yet. Ok, I believe that. ;[

So, anytime this happens (The not answering) she always calls the next morning as soon as she wakes up. Like clockwork. She's called today already, I have not answered. The gameplan is changing - I think I was too easy for her. It's not worth it for me on so many levels, and I suspect too many things - so I might as well not answer her phone for a while since I have nothing to lose anyway! I'll probably answer it in a few hours, she starts to call frantically.

Maybe she is afraid I found something out! OH NO IT'S TEH TRAIN!

(It could be she was just watching TV all day, but somehow I doubt it!)

Ruh roh.

Friends, I write to you tonight in dire moods. I have talked to her early this morning - she called me and I said I am coming over later this week.

I called her again tonight, no answer - she has not called back. She has not used her phone either. She has a little ex-boyfriend whom she has to hide her phone from. I gave her the phone, that's the reason.

Hopefully he did not pop back in, or did he? Oh boy. I can expect a call from her tomorrow morning, like clockwork.

Hello ladies and gentlemen.

I am CrashTest. Over the coming days, weeks, months, and years, I shall share with you tales of love, adventure, deception, and good times.

Recently I have been having a harrowing experience with a woman. As you revel in my languishing details, you will see that my name, CrashTest, is truly apt and worthy of my experiences.